Post High School, Pre-College: My Life So Far
Hello everyone! I hope you've been doing well as of late. I know I always say this, but please do stay hydrated! Seriously. And please always remember to get enough rest! I hope that you all have been taking care of yourselves ❤
Before anything else, I'd like to wish y'all a happy 2018! I know I know, it's really quite late of me, and I really have no excuse other than the fact that I've been really sleeping in recently, and have had absolutely no motivation to get out of bed. I just can't believe that 2017 is over!
Still, the show must go on. As 2017 has come to a close, there are many things that I just wanted to reminisce on, and as I looked back, I was astonished by how much things have changed over the course of one year! With that said, I'd just like to share my 2017 with you guys, and there's no better time than the present.
First off, I'm going to college! Or university, depending on what you call it. I remember mentioning this in a handful of previous blog entries, but I never got around to really talking about it in detail. I'm going to uni in Australia, and I'll be undertaking legal studies. I finally graduated from my slightly preppy Chinese private school last June 2017, and was freed from the shackles of high school life.
To be honest, I really did enjoy my last year of high school though! It was relatively eventful— I went to my first ever debate competition this year, and I was part of our school's first ever big-scale
musical production 😄 I was just part of the ensemble, but being able to spend time and perform with some of the nicest, talented people I know has become a highlight of my year, and maybe for as long as my memory will serve me.
The debate competition was amazing as well! I went with my debate club, and we were so close to making it to the octo-finals, which comprises of the top 16 debate teams. Although, I didn't actually do any debating lol. Aside from the debates, there was also a public speaking portion in the event, and that was where I participated in. Though I didn't win any awards, it was a fun learning experience nevertheless ❤️
Now that I'm out of high school, my parents have been enrolling me in different skill-based classes to equip me for when I'm on my own. I finished driving lessons a month or so back, and right now I'm in beauty school learning to cut hair! I've only been learning the basics, so if you show me a picture of your desired haircut, I wouldn't be able to recreate it (yet). Perhaps someday, I can make this my side job. A lawyer/hairstylist extraordinaire— that certainly is an odd combination!
Anyways, my dull life post-high school has had its own set of challenges; mostly emotional burdens that were accrued due to feeling estranged to my friends' current lives. I love my friends and I love hearing them talk about how their lives are in college, but I guess it makes me a bit sad to hear funny retellings and stories filled with unfamiliar names, when just last year those stories contained the names of people I knew and went to school with.
I'm a really sentimental person too, so it's hard for me to leave the people I care for behind. My friends, my family— I won't see them as often as I'd want to anymore. I won't hear their voices, feel their touches. If that's what it means to leave behind my life in the Philippines, then it's a heavy burden for me. I wouldn't want this year to end. I don't want to leave.
But at the same time, ever since this plan to have me study abroad was set in stone, I started to appreciate the things around me even more; especially the simple things in my life right now.
The way sunlight filters through the bedroom curtains in the morning and lands on slept-in beds. The smells and sounds of our kitchen— garlic, wooden chopping boards, and the radio tuned into the local station. Mid-afternoon commutes, when the train isn't crowded or noisy because everyone's having lunch. The way the train gently rumbles as it hurtles through the tracks, the bright afternoon sun filling the car. Our big mango tree here at home, when it bears fruit and you could see the flowers from below. The bright blue sky, framed by lots and lots of trees and some wires from telephone and electricity poles. It's things like those that really helped me appreciate how amazing life is. I know I'll miss every one of those moments. That was how my life went; how it will be until I have to leave it all behind for a fresh start in college.
In a way, I'm thankful too. Life isn't always gonna be how it is now, and attending university abroad will be a great experience to help me learn more about myself and the world. And, I suppose, this'll happen eventually anyways, so there's no need to delay the inevitable.
For a while now, I've been taking lots of short video clips of the things that remind me of home. I plan to edit it all into one video, so that I can look back to it when I get homesick. Perhaps when I finish it, I'll give you guys a link if y'all wanna see it 😊
Ever since I got out of high school last June, another thing I've been thankful for is the chance to pursue hobbies I've been waiting to for so long. I picked up the viola, which is a really amazing instrument! The best way I can describe it is by comparing to to the violin; if violins are sopranos, then violas are altos. I quite like the rich, medium tone of the viola though. The sound is also warmer than the violin, and though it's just as wonderful too, violas are so criminally underappreciated! I guess that's why I opted for it over the violin lol.
I'm also writing a musical! I think I mentioned this in my first Sunday Currently entry, and yeah, I'm still working on it. I love musical theater, so I decided that maybe this is a thing I could do. The details aren't quite set yet, but if I do make significant progress, I'll be sure to write about it here 😆
Anyways, now I'm just enjoying what little time I have left in the Philippines, my home. Our church hosted a Christmas outreach as well, and it felt really fulfilling to see the children happy ✨ Last Christmas eve, we had a big potluck lunch in church as well. We had looots of sushi lol.
On more recent news, I did have my wisdom teeth removed just yesterday,
boy are my jaws swollen. I look like a chipmunk. This is not a good look. It's a good thing the surgery itself wasn't so bad— I actually didn't feel anything due to the anesthesia (my eternal thanks goes out to the creators of this numbing elixir).
I've also taken up bullet journaling! This year I've decided to try and organize my life a little bit more, as I do have an intense procrastination problem lol. I've always wanted to try this out as well, and though I'm sure that I will not be able to maintain this sort of aesthetically pleasing journal, I do hope that having a planner will help keep me on track this 2018.
Well, I guess that's everything noteworthy that has happened to me so far. Writing this has been really therapeutic, and it felt good to open up about how I really felt. If any of you guys have something weighing on your shoulders, try writing it down! It doesn't have to be on a blog if that's what you choose; nevertheless, engaging in some form of self-expression is cathartic, and will help you stay sane lol.
That's all I have to say for today. Thanks for reading! Please take care of yourselves, and take time to rest when you're tired. And spend time with the people you care about because those times will be memories to be cherished ❤️
Yours truly
— Cossette
Labels: musings
A Couple Months After 18 (And Other Thoughts)
Hello hello, I am back after a lonnggg time without posting lol. But now I'm back in business, and will work this blog back into shape (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ Right now I'm almost three months post high school graduation, and am l i v i ng l i f e. Definitely not planted in front of a screen playing Harvest Moon all day. Nope haha *sweats*
Also,
I just turned eighteen! Perhaps "just turned" isn't accurate though... More like, I turned eighteen almost two months ago lol. But the thing is, it doesn't feel any different from when I was a year or two younger. Does that make any sense?
Usually when a girl turns eighteen here in my country ("experiencing legality", as they call it), you get asked the obligatory "Oh, so how does it feel to be eighteen?", or at least something along those lines. I don't know, but ~being an adult~ is such a big deal apparently.
When I was a kid, eighteen certainly seemed old. Being eighteen meant going to college (which was wayyy down the road for my just-turned-grade-one self). It meant having more responsibilities, harder schoolwork, being unable to act like like the child that I was, and being a little closer to death.
I was always uncomfortable with the idea of growing older. Back then, I'd see adults stressing over finances and jobs, and it was all scary. But then again, what child wouldn't dread facing those challenges? That certainly is a justifiable fear. I think any kid would choose playtime over taxes any day. And the way college students would warn me about the terrors of higher education did not help at all.
Looking back to all that, I suppose everything I thought would happen was rather accurate. Yes, as an eighteen year old I'm now going to college. I certainly have had much harder schoolwork (calculus was the death of me), and I'm expected to act my age and be mature.
Perhaps the reason why I still feel like the same old me a couple years ago is because change tends to find its way into our lives in trickles and rivulets. Just like how you wouldn't see immediate changes in a growing plant, you wouldn't really sense big changes in your life until you look back to where you came from.
Except college. You don't slowly realize you are going to college/university. Reality just hits you in the face one day, and you feel this deep pit in your stomach that you won't experience life like it is now ever again. That's how I felt. With all my friends and I parting ways, and especially since we're going to different colleges, it suddenly feels quite lonely. Knowing that I will never be able to experience going to school with the people that made it fun is a reality I'd have to learn to live with.
Thought I guess that is part of being eighteen. And after all of these things, perhaps now I realize that I wasn't afraid of growing older and facing the world— it's that I was afraid of growing up and moving on to something new.
Of course, it'd be rather lonely to part ways with your friends. It'd be lonely (and scary) to face new challenges and take on new responsibilities in new places with new people. When you're already comfortable, it's hard to push yourself to accept sudden changes in life.
At end of the day, there isn't much I can do to make the world bend to my will. Sometimes life just sucks— there are no words I can use to make that sound any prettier. You feel alone, you feel like you're growing old, and you feel like your existence is a mere speck in the universe. In any case, I'm here to tell y'all that it's okay to feel that way. I feel that way too sometimes. We all have our bad days, and sulking and feeling bad is a valid reaction.
Turning eighteen and graduating from high school made me appreciate all the things I missed from it. What can I say, I'm a sentimental clod ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
To be frank, I'm not entirely over high school. Since I haven't started college yet, a good chunk my time is spent mulling over the future and what'll happen to my friends (and myself). Will I be a good adult? Am I ready to face the world? Will I survive college? Will my crush ever like me back?
Well, that's the current state of my turning-eighteen-and-soon-going-to-college experience. I'd usually have a nice, feel-good conclusion written down here, but I haven't really figured it out myself. I do know that countless people feel what I feel, and I just want you to know that it's totally normal to be afraid of growing old (or growing up). Whether you're 18 or 80 (or any age at all), you'd still be you— that's what matters the most. Just be honest to yourself, and work out your feelings step by step ❤️
That's all I have to say for now. Do leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter :)
Labels: musings
Resolutions and Expectations
Hello all! At long last, it is the awaited beginning of a new year. This post is long overdue, but let's pretend it's on time As 2015 has come to a close, we have all gone through our ups and downs, our own share of troubles, and most certainly a fair share of misadventures. But cheers to 2016, which I hope won't be as awful as 2015! Here is to many more experiences, fun, sorrows, dreams, love, and laughter that will shape us as we drive through the beautiful, twisty road of life.
Of course, despite new beginnings, there are still some regrets that have burdened me as the old has gone. There were many things that I was still unable to accomplish in 2015. I still haven't become proficient with my languages. My guitar playing capabilities are still below par. I still have a marshmallowy-fat belly. And I gained 10 pounds. As unfortunate as the situation may be, there is nothing more I can do about it aside from trying once more, no?
Perhaps out of practice, most of us seem to be attached to the idea of a new year's resolution. The exhilaration of simply planning the feats we intend on accomplishing has driven us to push towards greater heights. After all, a new year is a new chance, isn't it? Some of us may have resolved to get a new job, or perhaps get top marks in class. Not that I'm saying it's impossible, but those orders seem rather tall, don't you think? What happened to last year's resolutions? Are they simply dumped, forgotten until you come across those promises which were scrawled in the back of your memory? I hope that isn't the case. Please remember to try again, okay? It's not too late.
Something I would simply like to point out is that, we don't have to make brand-new, probably unattainable resolutions every year. Of course, being able to attain such a high standard would be lovely, but the fact is that most of us aren't really capable of accomplishing something absolutely outstanding in a short period of time. A year, in retrospect, is short. One must go through a long period of time, dedicating energy and passion to your goal.
Well, I'm rambling on again, aren't I? The point is, just take it easy. We're all struggling, and you're not alone. It's okay to fail, to binge a little, to not sleep as early as you hoped. What's important is that we have a definite goal, and we stick to it. Maybe something as simple as "no snacking in the afternoons" or "say 'good morning' to your parents everyday" can make all the difference. And if you fail, just breathe. Sit down, pray, then smile and try again. Cheers to 2016!
Labels: musings
Mortality
Hello everyone. It is I, and today's blog post is a little more pensive than usual.
Last Thursday, I had a strange dream about death. In it, I saw my parents lie in a coffin, as everyone was mourning. Needless to say, I was as well. I woke up with a damp pillow.
Now yesterday, I watched a movie called "The Girl Who Leapt Through Time" (it's amazing and infuriating). The title pretty much explains what it is about— a girl who can leap through time (literally). She uses this time-traveling ability to fix her past mistakes and avoid difficult situations. Although halfway around the movie, she begins to experience the consequences of her actions. One of this film's themes is "time waits for no one."
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| Yeah, screenshots FTW! |
Now, it reminds me of mortality (yes, forgive my morbid mind). Time waits for no one. In real life, we cannot will time to stop. It's impossible. If we're running late for an appointment, we can't ask time to stop for us. If we're having fun, we can't ask time to stop so we can go on forever. Time goes on, whether you like it or not.
There is also this one incident regarding Cyndago. If you frequently watch YouTubers, you may be aware of them. They are a trio who run their own YouTube channel. Almost a month ago, Daniel— one of the guys— attempted suicide. He failed, but still passed away soon after since his attempt did some irreversible damage.
Those who are in the know about them are aware that these folks dyed their hair with Markiplier for raising awareness for depression and bipolar disorder. Quite ironic, isn't it? They were trying to raise awareness for a cause that one of them was suffering through. We all didn't know. I suppose we cannot really judge, because I'm sure Daniel was going through his own troubles at that time as well. (You will be missed, Daniel Kyre.)
What I garner from these things is that time is continuous— life is continuous. It's constantly moving ahead, bringing us along. And, one of the things life brings along is death.
You may ask, where am I going with all this? Well, it's human nature to take life for granted. It's always present, seeing that we all have it. We never get to appreciate it and its value, because it is always present from the moment we're born until our last breath, and we only get to see it fade away when someone else's does. The bad thing about this is that it's usually our loved ones' lives we see disappear. But, we can't help them. We cannot do anything but watch because time waits for no one. It will always be too late to tell them what you feel. It is only at those moments that you realize you have to tell them you love them. I watched Markiplier play a game called I Remember The Rain, and he said something that really hit home.
"Tell the ones you care about that you care, because the problem with things like this is that some things get left unspoken and you never know... You never know when the thing you care about will be taken away from you whether it's your control or not.
So remind the people around you that they matter, and more importantly than anything that they matter to you. And you know, maybe you'll hear it from someone that you matter to them too, and that'll come right when you need it the most."
Things happen. Life sucks. But, we still gotta live life because just like what The Girl Who Leapt Through Time says, time waits for no one. The true value of life is one we only see at the last minute, but it shouldn't be so. I suppose you can never really put a precise value on it. It's priceless.
So what do we do about it? I think the opposite of the phrase works too— don't wait for time. Let's be honest, the right time will never come. This moment only arrives when you think it is, and when you believe from the bottom of your heart that it is meant to be.
We all know of
Shia Labeouf's extreme motivational speech, I'm sure. It's the video where he constantly yells out "JUST DO IT" in an aggressive manner. Honestly, we all probably laughed at it. The video is too ridiculously fitting as a glorious internet meme. In all honesty though, it's actually really inspirational once you listen to what he's really saying. There's one part where he says, "yesterday you said tomorrow, so just do it!". I believe this to be especially agreeable. Don't wait for the right time to do your homework, don't wait for the right time to choose which job you want. Don't put off life, because once it leaves it's never coming back. If you want to show people you care, then do it today. Don't settle for less. Help them carry their bags, or even just a simple hug. It's okay if it isn't a big grandiose event, as long as you do it.
I guess I may or may not be a little guilty of that too. I sometimes become rude and uptight to my own family, but I never get to show them that I do care. I take it for granted as well. We all sort of do.
Oh well. Perhaps it's about time we needed a wake-up call anyways.
Labels: anime, musings
Reminiscing
Hello, everyone!（＾Ｏ＾☆♪ It's been like, 3 months? 4 months? Goodness gracious, sorry for neglecting this place (つД`)ノ
The past summer was really bittersweet, with equal parts bitter and sweet. Sweet because I attended a nationwide youth conference, and went to HK and Macau afterwards. Bitter because it all had to end... *sighs* I already miss my conference buddies (u_u)
But I suppose nothing really lasts forever, no? Time passes, and events end. It's okay though because when we feel sad, it means that we are alive— we felt happiness, and you can only know the difference when you have experienced both~~ <3
Speaking of which, that brings to mind a thought. Does everyone reminisce? Well, I suppose most of us— if not all— do. There's just a warm, nostalgic feeling that fills me when I do remember the past. Part of me says to continue, and explore the libraries of my memory. On the other hand, part of me also says to stop— to move on, and keep the memories in where they are. Oddly, both ring of the truth.
There are times in which I want to relive wonderful days. It makes me happy to think about them once again and to remember— but what's strange is that sometimes they are tinged with sadness. It elicits the thought that perhaps I may never experience it again. Most of the time, I know that it's true. Maybe it was the last time I was going to see those people, as we've all gone our separate ways. Such a bittersweet thing. Oh, but what wonderful times. It can't be helped, you know?
The other side of me though, tries to reprimand me. Why do these happy things sadden me? Aren't they supposed to motivate me? Shouldn't these thoughts tell me to get out there, and make new memories? In a sense, I suppose so. Memories are unique objects, and each is different for the other. It is impossible to recreate every aspect of it— the feeling, the place, the people. In the memory we hold, they will be immortalized as so; but it changes. In reality, they all change. It will be impossible to make an exact copy of it. That begs the question: what do we do?
Well, this is what we do— we make new ones. We cannot replicate a memory, but we can go out and make them. We managed to make happy memories before, so what's stopping us from making them again? True, they won't be the same; they never will be. But similar or not, happy memories are happy memories, and they aren't all the same. There's your family, your friends; go out and be happy with them! Or if not, then do something you enjoy! All we really need to do is to just smile at the past as it ushers you to keep on walking.
Remember this: the past is a trampoline. If you decide to look ahead, you will go places. Just like a trampoline, it's your choice if you want to stay on it motionlessly, or to jump to higher grounds and explore new things. You never forget the trampoline— your past. You're always going to go back, but it will empower you and not bring you down.
Perhaps that's not the best analogy, but I think it fits right now. I think y'all get what I mean (=^x^=)
Well, I guess that's about it for now. Maybe I'm just a little too optimistic? Perhaps. But I like to think about this topic, as I feel like this subject, though it means one thing, is unique to each of us. Some like it, some don't. But in the end, it's still there— a small bunch that's kept away in the crevices of our minds :)
Final thoughts, anyone? Do you guys think like this too, or perhaps you have a different perspective on things? Feel free to leave a comment, or drop by the c-box >:3 Thanks for reading, if you got this far! Ciao everyone, and have a great day! ( ^-^)/
Labels: musings, summer
Summer Woes
Hello there everyone. It's me again, and I felt rather bored today so I opted to write a blog entry discussing my current lethargic state (⊙﹏⊙✿)
Do you ever feel like doing nothing? And I'm not referring to having no activities planned for your vacation. I'm talking about that apathetic state of mind we experience when we have no duties or responsibilities to fulfill in school/work. Sounds awesome right? Well, it is for a couple of weeks. But soon after, we sometimes descend to a stage in which we've exhausted our hype and have a crisis of sorts. Unfortunately, this may or may not result in us squandering a good 2-4 months of our lives lazing around listlessly. Does anyone ever feel the same way? Because I do (๑ △ ๑)`* The feeling of possibly wasting vacation saddens me, and somehow scares me as well. It's probably just a phase, but I can't help but expect myself to do many things this summer— so much that I can't help but be sad about not being able to do as much as I hoped.
Lately, I've been doing some self-reflection. What did I really do this summer? My daily summer routine is to go on YouTube, then brush up my French on that app Duolingo (which, by the way, is a great way to kill time ^_^). Most of my friends are abroad for the summer, so I don't really have a lot of people I can talk to. But that's besides the point. I haven't really done anything significant the past couple of months, and it makes me feel a little bad about myself. Do any of you relate to that? I hope you can relate to that somehow (^_^;) Phineas and Ferb may know what to do with their 104 days of summer vacation, but I (and perhaps you as well, reader?) am going through a phase of summertime lethargy. I have no idea what to do with my vacation.
Still, I've thought of things I can busy myself with. Having an activity/hobby to pursue is a good idea. Perhaps, take a part time job? Learning to play a certain instrument or studying a new language would probably be a good use of time as well. As for me, I'm thinking of picking up my guitar again, since it has been a while. Maybe my love for the instrument will be rekindled ( ˘ ³˘)❤ And French. As a frequent obsess-er (that's a word I cobbled up just now. Forgive me) over language, I've decided to start learning French for the fun of it
and perhaps it can help me boost me résumé when I'm older LOL. By trying to do these things, I hope to get rid of my summer woes~♪ But for now, I'll be waiting for my daily prime-time anime to run on TV (≧∇≦)/
And on an ending note, lazing around with no responsibilities to fulfill does feel good. But even if busying yourself with hobbies/activities during summer is great, savour the joy of being responsibility-free while it lasts :♡.•♬✧⁽⁽ଘ( ˊ▽ˋ )ଓ⁾⁾*+:•*∴
That's it for now. Do you have any summer woes yourself? Feel free to leave a comment, or perhaps a message in my C-box at the "chat" tab. Maybe we could have a lovely chat~~ Ciao, my friends (︶▽︶)
Labels: musings, summer
Care To Share?
Hello there, everyone. It is I. How're you all? (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ
I'm doing well, so no need to worry about me ^_^ No one cares, Cossette //slapped
Anyways, today, I decided to post something meaningful! Yeah! *awkwardly throws confetti*
Ahem, so I guess I shall begin.
You see, a kid approached me today as I was going home. I was drinking this coke I got from Mcdonald's, and was walking along the overpass. I passed by these poor street children. No biggie, right?
Anyways, they approached me. The kid was asking for my drink. Of course, I was still kinda processing the situation, so I wasn't really thinking, and gave my soft drink to the little girl. My face had a rather baffled expression, and I looked like I was eyeing the lass suspiciously.
... Which I regret. I wish that I'd at least put on a smile to show that I gave her my drink because I care, not because I wanted her to stay away, you know? That's the only thing that keeps bothering me. I'm kinda washed over by guilt, somehow...
Now that I have the time to sort of think about it, I'm thankful that God has given me the stuff I need, and even more. Sometimes, we need an eye-opener to see that we have everything to thank the Lord for. Although it seems like we're going through some hard stuff, I believe it's His crucible, so we can be "refined" into better Christians.
But, I digress. Anyways, as I was saying, I felt a bit guilty. Maybe I should've shown a little more kindness?
Well.... I don't know how you'll interpret what I'm saying (... well... typing) here, but the message I wanna get across is that... Don't be stingy. Share your blessings with the less fortunate, and try being kind. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I help others.... And I want everyone to know that awesome experience. Because I think that it won't hurt to be kind every now and then~ (ノ^_^)ノ
Be the little ray of sunshine in our relatively dim society ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
That's it, I guess. So, what do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts!
See you! (^o^)/
Labels: musings
Post High School, Pre-College: My Life So Far
Hello everyone! I hope you've been doing well as of late. I know I always say this, but please do stay hydrated! Seriously. And please always remember to get enough rest! I hope that you all have been taking care of yourselves ❤
Before anything else, I'd like to wish y'all a happy 2018! I know I know, it's really quite late of me, and I really have no excuse other than the fact that I've been really sleeping in recently, and have had absolutely no motivation to get out of bed. I just can't believe that 2017 is over!
Still, the show must go on. As 2017 has come to a close, there are many things that I just wanted to reminisce on, and as I looked back, I was astonished by how much things have changed over the course of one year! With that said, I'd just like to share my 2017 with you guys, and there's no better time than the present.
First off, I'm going to college! Or university, depending on what you call it. I remember mentioning this in a handful of previous blog entries, but I never got around to really talking about it in detail. I'm going to uni in Australia, and I'll be undertaking legal studies. I finally graduated from my slightly preppy Chinese private school last June 2017, and was freed from the shackles of high school life.
To be honest, I really did enjoy my last year of high school though! It was relatively eventful— I went to my first ever debate competition this year, and I was part of our school's first ever big-scale
musical production 😄 I was just part of the ensemble, but being able to spend time and perform with some of the nicest, talented people I know has become a highlight of my year, and maybe for as long as my memory will serve me.
The debate competition was amazing as well! I went with my debate club, and we were so close to making it to the octo-finals, which comprises of the top 16 debate teams. Although, I didn't actually do any debating lol. Aside from the debates, there was also a public speaking portion in the event, and that was where I participated in. Though I didn't win any awards, it was a fun learning experience nevertheless ❤️
Now that I'm out of high school, my parents have been enrolling me in different skill-based classes to equip me for when I'm on my own. I finished driving lessons a month or so back, and right now I'm in beauty school learning to cut hair! I've only been learning the basics, so if you show me a picture of your desired haircut, I wouldn't be able to recreate it (yet). Perhaps someday, I can make this my side job. A lawyer/hairstylist extraordinaire— that certainly is an odd combination!
Anyways, my dull life post-high school has had its own set of challenges; mostly emotional burdens that were accrued due to feeling estranged to my friends' current lives. I love my friends and I love hearing them talk about how their lives are in college, but I guess it makes me a bit sad to hear funny retellings and stories filled with unfamiliar names, when just last year those stories contained the names of people I knew and went to school with.
I'm a really sentimental person too, so it's hard for me to leave the people I care for behind. My friends, my family— I won't see them as often as I'd want to anymore. I won't hear their voices, feel their touches. If that's what it means to leave behind my life in the Philippines, then it's a heavy burden for me. I wouldn't want this year to end. I don't want to leave.
But at the same time, ever since this plan to have me study abroad was set in stone, I started to appreciate the things around me even more; especially the simple things in my life right now.
The way sunlight filters through the bedroom curtains in the morning and lands on slept-in beds. The smells and sounds of our kitchen— garlic, wooden chopping boards, and the radio tuned into the local station. Mid-afternoon commutes, when the train isn't crowded or noisy because everyone's having lunch. The way the train gently rumbles as it hurtles through the tracks, the bright afternoon sun filling the car. Our big mango tree here at home, when it bears fruit and you could see the flowers from below. The bright blue sky, framed by lots and lots of trees and some wires from telephone and electricity poles. It's things like those that really helped me appreciate how amazing life is. I know I'll miss every one of those moments. That was how my life went; how it will be until I have to leave it all behind for a fresh start in college.
In a way, I'm thankful too. Life isn't always gonna be how it is now, and attending university abroad will be a great experience to help me learn more about myself and the world. And, I suppose, this'll happen eventually anyways, so there's no need to delay the inevitable.
For a while now, I've been taking lots of short video clips of the things that remind me of home. I plan to edit it all into one video, so that I can look back to it when I get homesick. Perhaps when I finish it, I'll give you guys a link if y'all wanna see it 😊
Ever since I got out of high school last June, another thing I've been thankful for is the chance to pursue hobbies I've been waiting to for so long. I picked up the viola, which is a really amazing instrument! The best way I can describe it is by comparing to to the violin; if violins are sopranos, then violas are altos. I quite like the rich, medium tone of the viola though. The sound is also warmer than the violin, and though it's just as wonderful too, violas are so criminally underappreciated! I guess that's why I opted for it over the violin lol.
I'm also writing a musical! I think I mentioned this in my first Sunday Currently entry, and yeah, I'm still working on it. I love musical theater, so I decided that maybe this is a thing I could do. The details aren't quite set yet, but if I do make significant progress, I'll be sure to write about it here 😆
Anyways, now I'm just enjoying what little time I have left in the Philippines, my home. Our church hosted a Christmas outreach as well, and it felt really fulfilling to see the children happy ✨ Last Christmas eve, we had a big potluck lunch in church as well. We had looots of sushi lol.
On more recent news, I did have my wisdom teeth removed just yesterday,
boy are my jaws swollen. I look like a chipmunk. This is not a good look. It's a good thing the surgery itself wasn't so bad— I actually didn't feel anything due to the anesthesia (my eternal thanks goes out to the creators of this numbing elixir).
I've also taken up bullet journaling! This year I've decided to try and organize my life a little bit more, as I do have an intense procrastination problem lol. I've always wanted to try this out as well, and though I'm sure that I will not be able to maintain this sort of aesthetically pleasing journal, I do hope that having a planner will help keep me on track this 2018.
Well, I guess that's everything noteworthy that has happened to me so far. Writing this has been really therapeutic, and it felt good to open up about how I really felt. If any of you guys have something weighing on your shoulders, try writing it down! It doesn't have to be on a blog if that's what you choose; nevertheless, engaging in some form of self-expression is cathartic, and will help you stay sane lol.
That's all I have to say for today. Thanks for reading! Please take care of yourselves, and take time to rest when you're tired. And spend time with the people you care about because those times will be memories to be cherished ❤️
Yours truly
— Cossette
Labels: musings
A Couple Months After 18 (And Other Thoughts)
Hello hello, I am back after a lonnggg time without posting lol. But now I'm back in business, and will work this blog back into shape (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ Right now I'm almost three months post high school graduation, and am l i v i ng l i f e. Definitely not planted in front of a screen playing Harvest Moon all day. Nope haha *sweats*
Also,
I just turned eighteen! Perhaps "just turned" isn't accurate though... More like, I turned eighteen almost two months ago lol. But the thing is, it doesn't feel any different from when I was a year or two younger. Does that make any sense?
Usually when a girl turns eighteen here in my country ("experiencing legality", as they call it), you get asked the obligatory "Oh, so how does it feel to be eighteen?", or at least something along those lines. I don't know, but ~being an adult~ is such a big deal apparently.
When I was a kid, eighteen certainly seemed old. Being eighteen meant going to college (which was wayyy down the road for my just-turned-grade-one self). It meant having more responsibilities, harder schoolwork, being unable to act like like the child that I was, and being a little closer to death.
I was always uncomfortable with the idea of growing older. Back then, I'd see adults stressing over finances and jobs, and it was all scary. But then again, what child wouldn't dread facing those challenges? That certainly is a justifiable fear. I think any kid would choose playtime over taxes any day. And the way college students would warn me about the terrors of higher education did not help at all.
Looking back to all that, I suppose everything I thought would happen was rather accurate. Yes, as an eighteen year old I'm now going to college. I certainly have had much harder schoolwork (calculus was the death of me), and I'm expected to act my age and be mature.
Perhaps the reason why I still feel like the same old me a couple years ago is because change tends to find its way into our lives in trickles and rivulets. Just like how you wouldn't see immediate changes in a growing plant, you wouldn't really sense big changes in your life until you look back to where you came from.
Except college. You don't slowly realize you are going to college/university. Reality just hits you in the face one day, and you feel this deep pit in your stomach that you won't experience life like it is now ever again. That's how I felt. With all my friends and I parting ways, and especially since we're going to different colleges, it suddenly feels quite lonely. Knowing that I will never be able to experience going to school with the people that made it fun is a reality I'd have to learn to live with.
Thought I guess that is part of being eighteen. And after all of these things, perhaps now I realize that I wasn't afraid of growing older and facing the world— it's that I was afraid of growing up and moving on to something new.
Of course, it'd be rather lonely to part ways with your friends. It'd be lonely (and scary) to face new challenges and take on new responsibilities in new places with new people. When you're already comfortable, it's hard to push yourself to accept sudden changes in life.
At end of the day, there isn't much I can do to make the world bend to my will. Sometimes life just sucks— there are no words I can use to make that sound any prettier. You feel alone, you feel like you're growing old, and you feel like your existence is a mere speck in the universe. In any case, I'm here to tell y'all that it's okay to feel that way. I feel that way too sometimes. We all have our bad days, and sulking and feeling bad is a valid reaction.
Turning eighteen and graduating from high school made me appreciate all the things I missed from it. What can I say, I'm a sentimental clod ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
To be frank, I'm not entirely over high school. Since I haven't started college yet, a good chunk my time is spent mulling over the future and what'll happen to my friends (and myself). Will I be a good adult? Am I ready to face the world? Will I survive college? Will my crush ever like me back?
Well, that's the current state of my turning-eighteen-and-soon-going-to-college experience. I'd usually have a nice, feel-good conclusion written down here, but I haven't really figured it out myself. I do know that countless people feel what I feel, and I just want you to know that it's totally normal to be afraid of growing old (or growing up). Whether you're 18 or 80 (or any age at all), you'd still be you— that's what matters the most. Just be honest to yourself, and work out your feelings step by step ❤️
That's all I have to say for now. Do leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter :)
Labels: musings
Resolutions and Expectations
Hello all! At long last, it is the awaited beginning of a new year. This post is long overdue, but let's pretend it's on time As 2015 has come to a close, we have all gone through our ups and downs, our own share of troubles, and most certainly a fair share of misadventures. But cheers to 2016, which I hope won't be as awful as 2015! Here is to many more experiences, fun, sorrows, dreams, love, and laughter that will shape us as we drive through the beautiful, twisty road of life.
Of course, despite new beginnings, there are still some regrets that have burdened me as the old has gone. There were many things that I was still unable to accomplish in 2015. I still haven't become proficient with my languages. My guitar playing capabilities are still below par. I still have a marshmallowy-fat belly. And I gained 10 pounds. As unfortunate as the situation may be, there is nothing more I can do about it aside from trying once more, no?
Perhaps out of practice, most of us seem to be attached to the idea of a new year's resolution. The exhilaration of simply planning the feats we intend on accomplishing has driven us to push towards greater heights. After all, a new year is a new chance, isn't it? Some of us may have resolved to get a new job, or perhaps get top marks in class. Not that I'm saying it's impossible, but those orders seem rather tall, don't you think? What happened to last year's resolutions? Are they simply dumped, forgotten until you come across those promises which were scrawled in the back of your memory? I hope that isn't the case. Please remember to try again, okay? It's not too late.
Something I would simply like to point out is that, we don't have to make brand-new, probably unattainable resolutions every year. Of course, being able to attain such a high standard would be lovely, but the fact is that most of us aren't really capable of accomplishing something absolutely outstanding in a short period of time. A year, in retrospect, is short. One must go through a long period of time, dedicating energy and passion to your goal.
Well, I'm rambling on again, aren't I? The point is, just take it easy. We're all struggling, and you're not alone. It's okay to fail, to binge a little, to not sleep as early as you hoped. What's important is that we have a definite goal, and we stick to it. Maybe something as simple as "no snacking in the afternoons" or "say 'good morning' to your parents everyday" can make all the difference. And if you fail, just breathe. Sit down, pray, then smile and try again. Cheers to 2016!
Labels: musings
Mortality
Hello everyone. It is I, and today's blog post is a little more pensive than usual.
Last Thursday, I had a strange dream about death. In it, I saw my parents lie in a coffin, as everyone was mourning. Needless to say, I was as well. I woke up with a damp pillow.
Now yesterday, I watched a movie called "The Girl Who Leapt Through Time" (it's amazing and infuriating). The title pretty much explains what it is about— a girl who can leap through time (literally). She uses this time-traveling ability to fix her past mistakes and avoid difficult situations. Although halfway around the movie, she begins to experience the consequences of her actions. One of this film's themes is "time waits for no one."
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| Yeah, screenshots FTW! |
Now, it reminds me of mortality (yes, forgive my morbid mind). Time waits for no one. In real life, we cannot will time to stop. It's impossible. If we're running late for an appointment, we can't ask time to stop for us. If we're having fun, we can't ask time to stop so we can go on forever. Time goes on, whether you like it or not.
There is also this one incident regarding Cyndago. If you frequently watch YouTubers, you may be aware of them. They are a trio who run their own YouTube channel. Almost a month ago, Daniel— one of the guys— attempted suicide. He failed, but still passed away soon after since his attempt did some irreversible damage.
Those who are in the know about them are aware that these folks dyed their hair with Markiplier for raising awareness for depression and bipolar disorder. Quite ironic, isn't it? They were trying to raise awareness for a cause that one of them was suffering through. We all didn't know. I suppose we cannot really judge, because I'm sure Daniel was going through his own troubles at that time as well. (You will be missed, Daniel Kyre.)
What I garner from these things is that time is continuous— life is continuous. It's constantly moving ahead, bringing us along. And, one of the things life brings along is death.
You may ask, where am I going with all this? Well, it's human nature to take life for granted. It's always present, seeing that we all have it. We never get to appreciate it and its value, because it is always present from the moment we're born until our last breath, and we only get to see it fade away when someone else's does. The bad thing about this is that it's usually our loved ones' lives we see disappear. But, we can't help them. We cannot do anything but watch because time waits for no one. It will always be too late to tell them what you feel. It is only at those moments that you realize you have to tell them you love them. I watched Markiplier play a game called I Remember The Rain, and he said something that really hit home.
"Tell the ones you care about that you care, because the problem with things like this is that some things get left unspoken and you never know... You never know when the thing you care about will be taken away from you whether it's your control or not.
So remind the people around you that they matter, and more importantly than anything that they matter to you. And you know, maybe you'll hear it from someone that you matter to them too, and that'll come right when you need it the most."
Things happen. Life sucks. But, we still gotta live life because just like what The Girl Who Leapt Through Time says, time waits for no one. The true value of life is one we only see at the last minute, but it shouldn't be so. I suppose you can never really put a precise value on it. It's priceless.
So what do we do about it? I think the opposite of the phrase works too— don't wait for time. Let's be honest, the right time will never come. This moment only arrives when you think it is, and when you believe from the bottom of your heart that it is meant to be.
We all know of
Shia Labeouf's extreme motivational speech, I'm sure. It's the video where he constantly yells out "JUST DO IT" in an aggressive manner. Honestly, we all probably laughed at it. The video is too ridiculously fitting as a glorious internet meme. In all honesty though, it's actually really inspirational once you listen to what he's really saying. There's one part where he says, "yesterday you said tomorrow, so just do it!". I believe this to be especially agreeable. Don't wait for the right time to do your homework, don't wait for the right time to choose which job you want. Don't put off life, because once it leaves it's never coming back. If you want to show people you care, then do it today. Don't settle for less. Help them carry their bags, or even just a simple hug. It's okay if it isn't a big grandiose event, as long as you do it.
I guess I may or may not be a little guilty of that too. I sometimes become rude and uptight to my own family, but I never get to show them that I do care. I take it for granted as well. We all sort of do.
Oh well. Perhaps it's about time we needed a wake-up call anyways.
Labels: anime, musings
Reminiscing
Hello, everyone!（＾Ｏ＾☆♪ It's been like, 3 months? 4 months? Goodness gracious, sorry for neglecting this place (つД`)ノ
The past summer was really bittersweet, with equal parts bitter and sweet. Sweet because I attended a nationwide youth conference, and went to HK and Macau afterwards. Bitter because it all had to end... *sighs* I already miss my conference buddies (u_u)
But I suppose nothing really lasts forever, no? Time passes, and events end. It's okay though because when we feel sad, it means that we are alive— we felt happiness, and you can only know the difference when you have experienced both~~ <3
Speaking of which, that brings to mind a thought. Does everyone reminisce? Well, I suppose most of us— if not all— do. There's just a warm, nostalgic feeling that fills me when I do remember the past. Part of me says to continue, and explore the libraries of my memory. On the other hand, part of me also says to stop— to move on, and keep the memories in where they are. Oddly, both ring of the truth.
There are times in which I want to relive wonderful days. It makes me happy to think about them once again and to remember— but what's strange is that sometimes they are tinged with sadness. It elicits the thought that perhaps I may never experience it again. Most of the time, I know that it's true. Maybe it was the last time I was going to see those people, as we've all gone our separate ways. Such a bittersweet thing. Oh, but what wonderful times. It can't be helped, you know?
The other side of me though, tries to reprimand me. Why do these happy things sadden me? Aren't they supposed to motivate me? Shouldn't these thoughts tell me to get out there, and make new memories? In a sense, I suppose so. Memories are unique objects, and each is different for the other. It is impossible to recreate every aspect of it— the feeling, the place, the people. In the memory we hold, they will be immortalized as so; but it changes. In reality, they all change. It will be impossible to make an exact copy of it. That begs the question: what do we do?
Well, this is what we do— we make new ones. We cannot replicate a memory, but we can go out and make them. We managed to make happy memories before, so what's stopping us from making them again? True, they won't be the same; they never will be. But similar or not, happy memories are happy memories, and they aren't all the same. There's your family, your friends; go out and be happy with them! Or if not, then do something you enjoy! All we really need to do is to just smile at the past as it ushers you to keep on walking.
Remember this: the past is a trampoline. If you decide to look ahead, you will go places. Just like a trampoline, it's your choice if you want to stay on it motionlessly, or to jump to higher grounds and explore new things. You never forget the trampoline— your past. You're always going to go back, but it will empower you and not bring you down.
Perhaps that's not the best analogy, but I think it fits right now. I think y'all get what I mean (=^x^=)
Well, I guess that's about it for now. Maybe I'm just a little too optimistic? Perhaps. But I like to think about this topic, as I feel like this subject, though it means one thing, is unique to each of us. Some like it, some don't. But in the end, it's still there— a small bunch that's kept away in the crevices of our minds :)
Final thoughts, anyone? Do you guys think like this too, or perhaps you have a different perspective on things? Feel free to leave a comment, or drop by the c-box >:3 Thanks for reading, if you got this far! Ciao everyone, and have a great day! ( ^-^)/
Labels: musings, summer
Summer Woes
Hello there everyone. It's me again, and I felt rather bored today so I opted to write a blog entry discussing my current lethargic state (⊙﹏⊙✿)
Do you ever feel like doing nothing? And I'm not referring to having no activities planned for your vacation. I'm talking about that apathetic state of mind we experience when we have no duties or responsibilities to fulfill in school/work. Sounds awesome right? Well, it is for a couple of weeks. But soon after, we sometimes descend to a stage in which we've exhausted our hype and have a crisis of sorts. Unfortunately, this may or may not result in us squandering a good 2-4 months of our lives lazing around listlessly. Does anyone ever feel the same way? Because I do (๑ △ ๑)`* The feeling of possibly wasting vacation saddens me, and somehow scares me as well. It's probably just a phase, but I can't help but expect myself to do many things this summer— so much that I can't help but be sad about not being able to do as much as I hoped.
Lately, I've been doing some self-reflection. What did I really do this summer? My daily summer routine is to go on YouTube, then brush up my French on that app Duolingo (which, by the way, is a great way to kill time ^_^). Most of my friends are abroad for the summer, so I don't really have a lot of people I can talk to. But that's besides the point. I haven't really done anything significant the past couple of months, and it makes me feel a little bad about myself. Do any of you relate to that? I hope you can relate to that somehow (^_^;) Phineas and Ferb may know what to do with their 104 days of summer vacation, but I (and perhaps you as well, reader?) am going through a phase of summertime lethargy. I have no idea what to do with my vacation.
Still, I've thought of things I can busy myself with. Having an activity/hobby to pursue is a good idea. Perhaps, take a part time job? Learning to play a certain instrument or studying a new language would probably be a good use of time as well. As for me, I'm thinking of picking up my guitar again, since it has been a while. Maybe my love for the instrument will be rekindled ( ˘ ³˘)❤ And French. As a frequent obsess-er (that's a word I cobbled up just now. Forgive me) over language, I've decided to start learning French for the fun of it
and perhaps it can help me boost me résumé when I'm older LOL. By trying to do these things, I hope to get rid of my summer woes~♪ But for now, I'll be waiting for my daily prime-time anime to run on TV (≧∇≦)/
And on an ending note, lazing around with no responsibilities to fulfill does feel good. But even if busying yourself with hobbies/activities during summer is great, savour the joy of being responsibility-free while it lasts :♡.•♬✧⁽⁽ଘ( ˊ▽ˋ )ଓ⁾⁾*+:•*∴
That's it for now. Do you have any summer woes yourself? Feel free to leave a comment, or perhaps a message in my C-box at the "chat" tab. Maybe we could have a lovely chat~~ Ciao, my friends (︶▽︶)
Labels: musings, summer
Care To Share?
Hello there, everyone. It is I. How're you all? (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ
I'm doing well, so no need to worry about me ^_^ No one cares, Cossette //slapped
Anyways, today, I decided to post something meaningful! Yeah! *awkwardly throws confetti*
Ahem, so I guess I shall begin.
You see, a kid approached me today as I was going home. I was drinking this coke I got from Mcdonald's, and was walking along the overpass. I passed by these poor street children. No biggie, right?
Anyways, they approached me. The kid was asking for my drink. Of course, I was still kinda processing the situation, so I wasn't really thinking, and gave my soft drink to the little girl. My face had a rather baffled expression, and I looked like I was eyeing the lass suspiciously.
... Which I regret. I wish that I'd at least put on a smile to show that I gave her my drink because I care, not because I wanted her to stay away, you know? That's the only thing that keeps bothering me. I'm kinda washed over by guilt, somehow...
Now that I have the time to sort of think about it, I'm thankful that God has given me the stuff I need, and even more. Sometimes, we need an eye-opener to see that we have everything to thank the Lord for. Although it seems like we're going through some hard stuff, I believe it's His crucible, so we can be "refined" into better Christians.
But, I digress. Anyways, as I was saying, I felt a bit guilty. Maybe I should've shown a little more kindness?
Well.... I don't know how you'll interpret what I'm saying (... well... typing) here, but the message I wanna get across is that... Don't be stingy. Share your blessings with the less fortunate, and try being kind. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I help others.... And I want everyone to know that awesome experience. Because I think that it won't hurt to be kind every now and then~ (ノ^_^)ノ
Be the little ray of sunshine in our relatively dim society ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
That's it, I guess. So, what do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts!
See you! (^o^)/
Labels: musings
Books 
My friends 
Homestuck 
More time to read books please 